i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize