my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
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