Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
I am one with the molecules
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
