i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Holy shit dude........stairs
Randomize