i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
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