when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
literally had 100 drinks last night.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Randomize
