I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
Randomize
