I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
