ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
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