You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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