apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
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