it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
