I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
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