I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
Dignity is for republicans.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
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