sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
My boob is missing a layer of skin
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Randomize
