I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Come on in and take your pants off
Randomize
