I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Randomize
