I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
