so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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