are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize