I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Randomize
