Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
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