If i could tip my vagina, i would.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
