Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
