I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
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