I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
When did we convert life to cartoon?
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Randomize
