so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
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