yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
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