yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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