Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Randomize
