its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
