He is such a slut. More and more my type.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
The power of my boobs compel you
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Randomize
