youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize
