yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
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