also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
