on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
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