seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Randomize
