I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize
