If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
