Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Randomize
