you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
My pussy is not your playground.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
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