DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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