I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
