do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
