the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
