I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
