Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
