I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
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