What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
Randomize
