and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
