remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
