My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
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