how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
