he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
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