hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
