I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
