You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Randomize
