It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
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