There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Randomize
