Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize