Taylor Swift is so right about you.
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
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