Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Randomize
