I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
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