Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
