She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
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