Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
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